


lingering & intrusive

by InvadingThoughts



Category: Banana Bus Squad
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fear, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minicat - Freeform, Social Anxiety, This story is just a projection of my feelings, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-30
Updated: 2015-09-30
Packaged: 2018-04-24 04:21:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4905310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InvadingThoughts/pseuds/InvadingThoughts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I feel scared,”</p>
<p>“Dude, there’s literally nothing to be scared about. We’re watching an action adventure movie in my lounge room while eating popcorn. It’s not even a horror,”</p>
<p>“Yeah, you’re right... sorry. Hey, share the popcorn you dickhead,”</p>
            </blockquote>





	lingering & intrusive

**Author's Note:**

> I’m not feeling good tonight, it seems my own anxiety is screwing with me and I felt like writing out my feelings. I’m sorry if what I’ve written isn’t accurate or anything, I kinda just projected my feelings into the characters and don’t mean to offend anyone.
> 
> Warnings: Swearing, reference to Anxiety & Depression and Mini has some pretty intrusive & mean thoughts about himself.

“I feel scared,”

“Dude, there’s literally nothing to be scared about. We’re watching an action adventure movie in my lounge room while eating popcorn. It’s not even a horror,”

“Yeah, you’re right... sorry. Hey, share the popcorn you dickhead,”

♕ ♚ ♕ ♚

The knot in his stomach was keeping him awake.

“I hate that you don’t understand...” he whispered into the air, letting his eyes trail over to the sleeping figure beside him, “I feel like the world is falling apart all around me but nobody else thinks its a problem,”

“Hmm? What are you saying?” the lump beside him muttered, and Craig felt himself freeze, “Why are you even awake baby, what time is it?”

“I-I need to take a piss, just grumbling to myself, go back to sleep,” 

“Alright...”

♕ ♚ ♕ ♚ 

“Hey, can you call the pizza place for me. I’ve written the order down for you it’s just I gotta shower real quick. You’d be doing me a big favor baby, thanks,”

“Uh sure...” he replied, watching his boyfriend retreat into the bathroom with a smile on his face. A phone call, that was easy... right? Of course it was, Craig was sure he could do it, it wasn’t as if it was rocket science. It’s not as if he’s a child anymore.

He picked up the phone and with his shaking fingers dialed the number for the pizza shop that Tyler had left him. It wasn’t until he heard the voice on the other side of the phone speak did he begin to panic and he swore he could feel his heart stop beating in that moment.

No words were coming out, and he hated that he couldn’t actually make a simple phone call without his palms getting sweaty. He felt like an idiot as he quickly hung up the phone, ignoring the confused voice of the pizza store employee and  instead just lent his elbows onto the counter.

When Tyler came back into the kitchen after his shower moments later, Mini made the excuse that the store was closed and they ended up just getting McDonald's.

Tyler didn’t seem to care, but for the rest of the night Mini couldn’t shake the feeling that he’d just made a terrible mistake.

♕ ♚ ♕ ♚ 

“Tyler... do you hate me? Am I annoying? Why do you waste your time dating me when there plenty of other gorgeous people out there craving your attention,” Mini mumbled as he sorted their laundry.

Tyler wasn’t  _actually_ there, rather he was upstairs playing gmod with the others but that meant it was the perfect time for Mini to get out some of the thoughts that had been lingering in his mind for a while.

“Compared to Kelly, I’m nothing. I have no skills, I’m not attractive and I’m not even sure that I can make you happy like you deserve. Oh god, you must be dating me out of pity, that’s it isn’t it?”

_Yeah, hit the nail on the head there Craig. You’re pretty much worthless, not even worth the air you breath._

“I thought so. Maybe I should just break up with him, so that he doesn’t have to do it for me. Save him some time, cause sooner or later he’s going to realize that what he has now is no prize,” Craig whispered, throwing the last of the dirty clothes into the washing machine before walking towards the kitchen.

_Go do it now, walk your goddamn useless self up those stairs and tell Tyler that you’re sorry for wasting his time. Do it._

“I can’t,” he begged, feeling the lump in his throat grow and he felt like actually crying.

_Yeah, I already know that. I told you, you’re pathetic._

When Wildcat came downstairs two hours later, spilling tales of all the jokes and funny shit that had happened during their game session, Mini smiled and kissed his boyfriend on the forehead.

He tells himself that he’ll break up with Tyler tomorrow, that he just needs one more night of selfishness.

♕ ♚ ♕ ♚ 

His one night of selfishness turns into one night of guilt and fear.

His tears are coming out hot and fast and his gasps are so loud he’s scared he’ll wake up Tyler. Craig is curled up on the shower floor, clutching his knees to his chest and his mind is yelling at him. It’s telling him to wake Tyler up right now and show him the mess of a man he’s dating. 

It feels like someones holding his head below water and all Mini wants to do is breath, but he can’t.

“I-I’m s-s-so s-sorry Tyler. I’m- I can’t- I d-don’t want to do this a-a-anymore,” he stutters, speaking so softly he’s not actually sure if any words are actually coming out.

“Craig! Where are you? Are you in the bathroom?” Tyler yells out, and Craig feels himself flinch so hard his head hits the wall behind him. 

_Call out Craig. Show him how much of a fuck up you are._

He holds his breath, silently thanking God that he locked the bathroom door and remembered to keep the light off. He hopes that Tyler will just go back to sleep, he knows he’s not important enough to be searched for at this time of the night.

He can hear Wildcat sigh from his place in the other room and he lets himself relax slightly. The sobbing begins again, his body shaking with its force and its so hard to keep himself from making noise when he so desperately wants to scream.

He can’t hold his noise in forever, and when he does give in it comes out as a squeak. So small and quiet that he hopes it will slip by undetected. Craig sits in silence for a few moments waiting to see if his weakness will hold consequences. His whole body is still shaking and he hears Tyler speak again.

“Craig, baby? Are... are you in the bathroom?” his boyfriend calls out and Mini can’t stop himself from digging his fingernails harder into his skin. It hurts, but it’s a nice distraction from whats standing outside the bathroom door.

“Are... baby are you all right in there? Please just talk to me Mini, I need to know you’re alright,”

“I-If I told you I was alright, I would be lying,” he mutters, but it’s obviously not quiet enough because he can hear Tyler’s sharp intake of breath.

“Craig, what’s wrong? You need to open the door for me and let me in  _please_ ,” he begs, and Craig is actually surprised to hear the pain in his voice. It’s like this is actually hurting him, but that shouldn’t be happening.

_He’s lying, he doesn’t care. That fucker just wants you out so he can break up with you face to face._

“Go away!” Craig yells out, but he’s not sure if its aimed towards Tyler or the voice in his head. The self destructive part in his brain wants him to open up the door, to show Tyler every little flaw he’s been hiding the whole time they’ve been together. 

He wants to scare Wildcat away before he decides to run away himself.

“Please... please Craig. Let me help you, love. I’ll stand here all night if I have too...  _please_ ,”

It’s almost as if he’s on auto pilot as he stands up and flips the light switch on, his eyes deliberately avoiding the avoiding the mirror beside him as he reaches for the lock.

The second he unlocks it, Tyler is swinging the door open and collecting him up in his arms. His grip is so strong and it’s almost as if he’s scared to let Mini go in case he disappears.

“I’m a failure Tyler. I-I’m useless, you can do so much better. I  _want_ you to do so much better than me, please don’t let me hold you back. This is what I am and you shouldn’t have to deal with it,” Craig mumbles, his face pressed in tight against Tyler’s chest and he realizes his tears are wetting his boyfriends shirt.

“No. Craig listen to me. You are not useless, you’re everything I have ever wanted and there’s no one on Earth that could compete with you. I wake up everyday excited to see you sleeping next to me, you take my breath away from me every time we kiss and I feel so privileged to be able to call you mine. I want every part of you, and nothing you show me will change my mind,” Tyler says, his hands coming up to frame Craig’s face and Mini realizes his boyfriend is also crying.

“I know... oh god baby I know a few words and a lot of kisses wont fix your pain, but for tonight let me just hold you close and show you how much I love you. We will get through this together, but for now come back to bed please,” Tyler begs, and all of the fight leaves Craig as he lets himself be guided back to their double bed. 

He lets Tyler position him to sit in front of him, in between his legs and Craig manages to relax his body enough to lean back into Wildcat’s touch. Tyler raises his hands to run his fingers through Craig’s hair. 

“I’m still scared,” he whispers under his breath, “but it’s not as bad now that I have you to fight it with me,”


End file.
